Today I learned about

It is really good to spend my whole day sit in front of my computer.

who said unemployed isn't productive. I am productive, at least I try to be productive, I try to learn something when I can't earn anything.

In fact, I was (I said was or I still do) quite sad, when all my friends are working. A lots of them are auditors, housewives or housewife gonna be, or my friends in Taiwan which lots of them going back to their home countries, meet their family, or they have a part time jobs to make them busy.

Me, in other hand, wake up and sleep whenever I want. Yeah, I know, I will be so complaining if I say this unemployed or unoccupied makes me really bored. But, dude! I do feel that I way, I keep thinking what will make my life valuable, what things that will make me feel really proud of.

Let make a list,

Accounting --> nope, I am far away from good. I am okay, I can learn it *again*, but surely I am not born with amazing abilities in Accounting *who even born with it..akakak...lol*

English --> upssssss....I try so hard to be good on that, I have a hard time to talk with foreigner, it even so hard for me to makes a joke. So, damn yeah I still have to working on it, really hard. Just so I can be in the part of my social circle of friends here.

Mandarin --> wwwwhooooo...hell no! even though I am Indonesian Born Chinese (hell yeah IBC)..plus I live in country where all of the people speaks in Mandarin. Hell yeah...nopes, my mandarin is sucks! really...ouch snap! Just realize I wasted my 1 year without learning anything..ajajajjaj...it's OK, at least I realized it.

Leadership -->mmmmmm...me leading?yeah I had give it a shot! quite good in fact. But, all I can say, being a leader is hard. People who do that is a hard-core *respect to all good leaders*. Because leaders is not being a delegating jobs to subordinate, but make them respect and follow you, and being a leader means you have to sacrifice a lot...damn a lot. But, yeah I'll keep doing it, it is for me to improve my self.

Boyfriend --> DAMN! Slap in the face!..akakakkaka...I haven't got that one. Even tough I flew far away from Jakarta, from other cold-hearted guys in Jakarta..akakaka..nups! I still don't get any luck regarding that one. You know when I have one. ALLLLLLLLLLL of my family and friends will get heart attack *because haaaaappiness, that..I get one, before it's too late, before my ovary get dry..akakkakaka*..I am so damn pathetic..ajajajjaja...No, don't worry..because lots of guys chasing on me *believe it, please*..akakakkakak...

But, lets back to the topic, todaaaaay I learned about Ansel Adams, he is a good photographer, I saw a lot of his masterpiece. He is good. Go to google and search him.

and, I know there is oil split in near Rote Island because oil drilling that leaked (mmm...I am not sure about it, but when I try to checked it again on Jakarta Post, I don't know where the article is..ajajajaj...sorry)

and, I know the world is so damn big. It is BIG and lots opportunity on this BIG world..I hope someday I can explore this BIG world with someone I love...friends that I love, family that I love, a man that I love.

Am I Trying too Hard? Part III

The main point why I made this blog is so I can learn how to said what in my mind in no time. I really do have a hard time on that. I am no good on how to impress people with words. And, know I am learning on how to good with words.

Words are amazingly important when it comes to social life. When you are in working environment, you need to persuade people a lot, make them believe on you, and furthermore make you believe in yourself that you can do it.

I do believe I can get everything that I want, if I work hard enough.

Sometimes, it is so damn hard to believe in your self, and then you will keep asking is this really what you want?that's the point when you gonna start to give up.

Am I trying too hard, is this really isn't fit for me? that I am born with it, born without any good. But, do I really try so hard to believe in my self? believe that I can do it, to make people believe that I am so GOOOOOOOOOOD!

yeah, someday this blog will give me a lot flash back memory on how I feel on that moment.

Am I Trying too Hard? Part II

Jaaaaaaaahh...

really it takes only less than 20 minutes, for me start the part II of my "AM I TRYING TOO HARD". After showed off to my dearly friend Yoana Megawati about my blog. I really need viewer of my drama, viewer of what I write, who can give me a comment. (Btw, do you realized I used viewer not a reader..because I want everyone who comes to this blog and read it, can experienced my life and like a viewer they either give applause or scorn and blasphemy.

scorn is contempt or disdain felt toward a person or object considered despicable or unworthy (caci maki maksudnya)

blasphemy is a contemptuous or profane act (hujatan)

Back to the topic, I mean back to the title. Am I Trying so Hard?

After I graduated from my lovely Atma Jaya Catholica University. I worked in one of the biggest Accounting Firm which is Ernst and Young. Yuppps.. It was my dream to be able to join that firm. But, on the way I got disappointed, really I don't matter about the overtime, in fact I love it!!!

I like to paid more!! when my senior said "guys...tonight we will have overtime"..huaaaaaaaa... I am so happy, and when I have to work on weekend that doubled my happiness as it doubled my salary..akakkakakka...*but it doesn't happen really often...*SHOT*-so don't ever think I have enormous amount of money

But, still I don't feel happy at all work there. I wonder why? and I don't know why actually. But I am guessing maybe I don't get the respect that I ever wanted.

I realized I am not a responsible look alike girl. And, because I also don't believe in my self also, when someone give me responsibility. But, I do craving for responsibility, and I need someone, a leader, a boss, a boyfriend, a husband that can give me the responsibility. But also at the same time, he have to be able to make me feel I am capable, and when I do a mistake he have to make me feel the mistake isn't that big after all.

Huff..in the end I haven't told you what the relation with 'trying too hard'..seems like you guys have to wait...! *akakakka..like anyone would read this, just one as I know..YOAN..please read this*

Am I Trying too Hard?

Ahahahhaha...

I laugh on myself, I made a blog!!

huh..

never cross in my mind before, to make such a blog. I remembered, when I know my friend had a blog. I laughed. Because, why you wasting your time on writing blog!

I am not a big fans of writing. I cannot explain thing in words. I am really bad at it. I can show you or proof you with number, graphics or picture and expects you to understand it by yourtself. Yeaaaaah..because I even not a big fan of reading, I defined myself as some one that more visualized (is it even correct??!!)

But, don't you guys! whoever that maybe read my blog will curious why in the end I made this?

I got a big slap on my face, on my recent year, when I face the reality, the social, the working environment. After I graduated, I realized number isn't important, how you manage to explain the number is far more worthed.

And, I do realize I write thing not in order, the one who read it I bet must be really confused. Because, I don't actually know where to start, I am mumbling (is it a word?)

*Just went from the super GOOGLE and find out that mumbling is a word, and amazingly I can write it correctly! yeayi...credit for myself. Ups..forget here the result of me ask Mr.Google

mumblingpresent participle of mum·ble (Verb)

1. Say something indistinctly and quietly, making it difficult for others to hear.

2. Bite or chew with toothless gums or eat without making much use of the teeth. *

ahahahhaha...can I said that I am mumbling??? now..ohhhh...I am babbling!...huh..what even that mean..*wait*

Tadaaaaaaaaaaa....so I babbling now...

bab·ble (bbl)

v. bab·bled, bab·bling, bab·bles

v.intr.

1. To utter a meaningless confusion of words or sounds: Babies babble before they can talk.

2. To talk foolishly or idly; chatter: "In 1977 [he] was thought of as crazy because he was babbling about supply side" (Newt Gingrich).

3. To make a continuous low, murmuring sound, as flowing water.

v.tr.

1. To utter rapidly and indistinctly.

2. To blurt out impulsively; disclose without careful consideration.

n.

1. Inarticulate or meaningless talk or sounds.

2. Idle or foolish talk; chatter.

3. A continuous low, murmuring sound, as of flowing water.

hah...at least I got something from this..kikiikki...

Hem, I haven't told you why I suddenly made a blog right..I'll do it tomorrow. that's what I say! I am no good on writing!